Christmas Season

Shopping with a crowd and a child in tow is NOT one of my favorite things to do.  I usually get very irritable and just want to quit.  This year my goal was to not be so grouchy with all the shoppers because when I worked retail I always wished people would remember the reason for the season.  On Saturday, I decided that since I hadn't done ANY Christmas shopping for Ryan that I needed to get out and do just that.  I wanted to take Kayden with me so that he could experience shopping for this dad.  Kayden was a perfect little angel boy.  He thought it was so cool that we were going out to buy his daddy presents.  I am proud to say that we made it through the trip with no melt downs, from me or from him.  We got home and he was all tuckered out and he went down and I wrapped the gifts.  I knew if I didn't wrap the gifts I would be up doing them Christmas Eve and I did not want that.  Also, if any of you know Ryan, it is driving him crazy that he doesn't know what he is getting...so he would probably try to look for them when I wasn't home.  He even went to the extent of asking Kayden was the present was and Kayden (thank goodness) answered, "Daddy's Present"....phew!

I really have been trying to focus on the Christmas Season this year and not get into the busy world.  I really do love Christmas and I love the reason for the season.  This year has been really hard on Ryan and I and when I think about it I just hope and pray that this next year will bring a year of recovery and health.  I don't think I could have another year of this again.  So, to me I am just thankful for the health that I do have, for the beautiful little boy that gets me through everyday when I am down.  I am so thankful for my wonderful husband who has been by my side all year, for sitting by my hospital bed day in and day out, for sitting by my side after the I got out of the hospital and hold my throw up bucket and clean it out and do all the gross stuff.  He has been nothing but supportive.  For my in-laws...I couldn't have done it without them.  My mother-in-law made out babysitting schedules for Kayden, she made sure we had meals, she came to the hospital almost everyday, she made sure Kayden had everything he needed.  If you don't know you...you should get to know her.  She is amazing.  My father-in-law for being concerned.  He sat in the ER with Ryan and I the first time I was in the hospital after collapsing.  He stayed at the hospital that night until I had had a blessing and that he knew I was being admitted.  He waited through my spinal tap and hearing me scream in pain.  He is the greatest example to my husband and son!  He would do anything to make sure his children were taken care of.  My sister, LeeAnn, for dropping stuff all the time to come help with Kayden.  She is great and I couldn't do a lot without her.  I enjoy calling her in the evening so we can talk about our days.  It is a great wind down session for me.  My sister-in-law, Jennifer, dropped everything to fly to AZ from CO with her baby to come help Ryan when I couldn't stop throwing up.  She made dinners, cleaned my fridge, and did everything that I hadn't been able to do for 3 months or so.  My sister, Annette, for coming to AZ for UT the second time I was in the hospital.  She was a huge help and by her coming I was able to convince my doctors I didn't need to go to a rehab place.  My sister-in-law, Dana, that I call every morning.  I love talking to her.  She is so uplifting and positive.  My sister-in-law, Deena, for taking time to watch Kayden while Ryan goes to school.  What a huge help that has been.  My visiting teachers...gosh these two women are amazing.  I love them.  They help me at the drop of the hat all the time and I am so thankful for them.  I have so much to be thankful for and I can't name everyone in here because this would be a never ending post.  I just feel like I have so much to be thankful for and I need to share it with everyone.  

The gospel in my life and the support I receive from those I love at church and my family has been shown so much this year.  I am so thankful for my testimony of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I am thankful that I have had the strength and the faith.  Without faith I would be lost.  I just pray that I can have the faith to continue onward and make it through this.  I love my family, Ryan's family, and all those around me.  I pray that Kayden will grow up and not get caught up in the presents, but the presence of Christmas. 

I hope this Christmas Season finds everyone doing well.  I love you all and am so thankful for the support and prayers my family has received from you throughout the year.  I have not had the chance to do Christmas cards this year, so I hope that this can replace that.  May we remember the reason for the season and share the joy of the Christmas season not just at this time, but year round.  

It has been a while...

So it has been a while since I have updated my blog and it isn't because I haven't been thinking about it, but life happens and I would rather go to bed then sit up and figure out what to write.  Not that I sleep when I am in bed...because sleep doesn't happen much around here except for Kayden and Ryan.  

So I decided that I needed to write what was going on with me just for my sake and so I don't forget so I have future references to go back on.  A little over a month ago I was put on a steroid...I didn't mind as long as it was for a short term.  I had gotten to a point where I wasn't getting any better and I wasn't getting any worse.  I just knew that I was tired of not being able to pick up Kayden (especially if he was in a fisty mood) and I was sick of not being able to change his diaper and doing things that people take for granted everyday.  I had reached a breaking point and I couldn't handle it anymore.  I made an appointment with my doctor and went and saw him two weeks later.  That is when he decided to put me on the steroid.  I am still doing my treatments every other week and taking the steroid daily.  Also, I am not giving the steroid full credit because I don't think that it was completely the steroid.  When I was in the hospital in August my brother, Keith, called me and told me about this all natural supplement that he wanted me to think about taking.  I told him I would look in to it and then life happened and I never did.  My brother really isn't in to the all natural things so I was kind of surprised.  He had been taking it for other reasons and thought it may help me.  I am not into the all natural things either.  I didn't start taking it right away...in fact, it wasn't until I talked to my sister-in-law one day that she said that she was ordering some for me to try.  They couldn't hurt anything that is for sure.  I got them in the mail a little over a week later and started them.  I can now tell on the days I don't take them because my hands and feet seem to tingle all day.  Anyway, so I give that most of the credit as well.  

The whole process since I got out of the hospital in August has been more than frustrating and I have had a very hard time staying positive.  I feel bad for my husband who has been nothing but supportive and has picked up the slack and has more than proved himself as an amazing person.  I also feel bad for my sister-in-law that I call almost every morning and she usually hears me complain and talks me through it.  She is amazing!  I am very hopeful that this next year will be a year of recovery.  I don't think I could handle anything more.  If I stay positive then I know it can happen.  Let's kick this disease in to remission.  Also, if you see me and I look like I am pregnant, don't get your hopes up.  It can't and isn't going to happen for a long while.  These steriods have made my face a little fat and I have done a pretty good job at watching what I eat so I don't get super fat.  Beleive me...I think I would rather be pregnant.  (The reason this came up was because someone asked Ryan if I was pregnant!)

So on to Kayden!  Kayden never ceases to amaze us.  He is definetely a two year old, but he melts my heart at least 50 times a day.  He is so cute and funny and cuddly and loveable.  I feel bad because sometimes I don't have the patience to deal with him so I get frustrated which makes him frustrated, but I am working on it.  He is talking in full sentences and his latest phrase is, "Please don't!"  And he always says it in the right spot.  He loves to help me do everything and make everything.  I usually just put him in front of the sink with the water running and he thinks he is being a huge help.  The mess is a very welcome treat if it means I have a happy little boy that just wants to help. 

So on to Ryan...Ryan is in school full time and is a work out fanatic.  He will do his work outs and then still take the time to go walking with me at night since that is really the only exercise I can do.  (If you saw me run you would laugh...I can't do it!)  He tried out for the Mesa Police Academy and passed the Physical Test and then got selected to do the written test, but missed it by six points.  DARN!  But we just remind ourselves that everything is on the Lords time.  Most people can't pass this test the first time.  It usually takes them 2 or 3 times so for Ryan to only miss it by six points...I think that is darn good!!!