St. Louis

So the pictures will really explain our trip. It was so wonderful to see my family. My brother and his wife just moved to St. Louis and were very wonderful hosts. We stayed busy with them and there 3 beautiful girls. I was able to see my brother and his family (he has 4 boys) and his wife, Dana. Then my sister, Doris, came with her adorable little baby! It was a blast. I hadn't seem my brothers family since January of 2009 and my other brothers family since November of 2009. I saw my sister in April of 2009, but that visit was long overdue and much too short.

My neices...Esther and Portia (St. Louis) and Baby Sarah (Washington)! Aren't they all so beautiful!
The bridge going from Missouri to Illinois...
The Arch from the bottom of the hill.
Kind of an odd place for a statue doncha think!
My cute sister and baby Sarah in front of the arch.
Ryan and I and half of Kayden...don't know what happened to this picture when I uploaded it...weird
LOVE THIS PICTURE OF THE ARCH...
I took this picture myself...I am so chubby and you can totally tell in this picture...
My hot husband...I love this picture too.
My brother Richard pushed Kayden up the wall. Kayden thought it was funny!
Precious little Bekah! She is the sweetest thing. Everytime Ryan would hold his hands out to her she would shake her head. It was so funny.
Ryan and Richard spent a day doing sports stuff. They went to a hockey game, on a tour of Busch Stadium and out to eat. They had a blast. This is the view in Busch Stadium.
Ryan took this Harry Potter picture just for me. Thanks babe!

At the hockey arena two of the St. Louis Blues players were on the olympic team and they had the medals there.
Ryan in the hockey arena.
Beautiful girl on the way to the arch again so we can go up in it this time.
Esther on a weight a measure thing they had waiting to go up in to the arch.
Baby Bekah...couldn't get enough of her.
And my little man, Kayden! He thought it was so cool.
Up in the arch...630 feet. It was pretty cool!
Kayden riding in the 'Alligator'...I had told Kayden that it was a train ride, but it was more like an elevator ride. So my brother was explaining that to him and Kayden says, "I am in an alligator!" It was so cute!
He was so funny!
We were all putting our arms up to make it feel like a ride.
We went to the St. Louis Zoo and this was the only picture we got of Kayden. All the other ones were of the animals...He loved it though and was so good.
Ryan and I in front of the St. Louis Temple. If I had remembered to take my recommend then we would have done a session, but I had left it in my temple bag.
My favorite statue at Nauvoo. It is so sweet.
The horses that took us around Old Nauvoo on a carriage ride.
This statue of Hyrum and Joseph sits in front of the temple. It is amazing.
Ryan and I in front of the temple.
Ryan took this picture of the temple and I thought it was awesome.
Carthage Jail...the best part of going to Nauvoo.
Statue of Joseph and Hyrum at Carthage.
The window from the inside that Joseph fell out of.
The window from the outside.
The bullet holes in the door the mob shot through. If you haven't been to Carthage Jail it is a must. It was so amazing and the Spirit was so strong.
My cute little Portia and I. I'm not wearing any make up and I look super chubby. It was a great time and Kayden is still missing Portia like crazy and asks for her all the time. He talks about Esther to people that ask about his trip and at least once a day he tells me about poking Bekah in the eyes so as you can tell he had a very memorable time as well. We hope to go back sooner than later sometime.

Good News...Finally!!!!

Well, if any of you follow me on facebook you know that I had a doctors appointment today. I was really close to cancelling it but decided not to and I am glad that I didn't. Not that I didn't want to go, but just for the simple fact that I didn't want to drive to Phoenix two times this week. But, such is life. It goes on! So, I kept the appointment thinking that I would take an early lunch and the appointment would be pretty quick. Well, the doctor (the resident) came in after I had been in the room about 2 minutes and started his assessment. He was very impressed with how much of an improvement I had made. I think he thought that since they were lowering my steriod dose that I wouldn't improve as much. Well, I did. Everytime I go in they test my strength. They do all these little tests like hold my arms out and try to push them down and I have to resist it. I haven't been able to keep my arms up and today I was able to keep them up! It has been well over a year since I have been able to do that! So the doctor went to get the other doctor so that he could assess me as well to make sure the resident hadn't skipped anything. He got the same results. I hadn't seen this doctor before, but he was really good and knew a lot about this disease. He has been doing a lot of research on it and was very informative.

This doctor was gave me a few options with my medications. Most of you know that I have been going every other friday to get treatments at the hospital and I have been taking the steroid daily. Well, he gave me all my options and we decided that instead of taking the steroid daily I will take it once a week...this will help minimize the side effects I have had like weight gain and a puffy face...all those pleasant things. The down side to taking it only once a week is that I will have a horrible taste in my mouth for 1-2 days and I probably won't sleep for 1-2 days. If any of you have been on steroids you know that it makes you very energetic...nervous...anxious...you get the picture right? They are going to keep my treatments at every other week because they don't want to change too many things and then if something doesn't work not know what it was. I will see the doctor again in 2 months. At that time if I am doing well on the steroid they will lower that dose and also change my treatment to once a month. They want to taper me off the treatments first because they know that the steroid is supressing my immune system and that is what they need! There hasn't been enough research done on the treatment to know if it is able to suppress the immune system, but they know for sure the steroid can do that.

I am confident they are on the right track, but they believe I am in remission. HOORAY! They are just going to keep me on the steroid and taper that off so they can know for sure that it is in remission. Idealy they are hoping that by the end of the year I will be completely off all the medications. SSOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! That is my good news for the week! I was pretty excited!

Oh yeah!!!! One more thing...there was one blood test that they hadn't done on me! Believe it or not out of the 100+ vials of blood they took they never tested me for Lyme's Disease. I don't think I ever had it, but they think that it can cause the body to respond the way mine has so they drew the blood today to test me for that. They are also going to be redoing my MRI because my last MRI was abnormal. I guess the nerve roots in my brain were enlarged so they want to check those to make sure everything is looking good. So, I will keep all posted on that!

Busy, Busy, Busy

I really do have good intentions to update my blog more, but I have been so busy. I know I am not horrible at updating my blog, but with all the new things that Kayden does I feel like I need to write everything down. Kayden...what a kid! He is the sweetest little thing and is really learning his manners. He has been sick the past THREE days and he is still the happiest little guy. He threw up all over everything the other night and I got him cleaned up and taken care of and he was curled up in a ball on the couch. I had put his sheets, blanket and pajamas in the wash and waited until they were done so that I could put his blanket in the drier for a couple of minutes. I knew that if he woke up in the night again that he would want his blanket. Well, as suspected he woke up and wanted his blanket. He is funny because he always smells his blanket and he did again and said, "It's all clean mom!" And I said, "Yes, I cleaned it just for you!" He leaned over and gave me the sweetest kiss on the cheek and said, "Thank you, momma!" Isn't that so sweet! It is things like this that make me fall more and more in love with being a mother.

Kayden is now talking in full sentences and when he is getting whinny and he starts talking he talks so fast that he starts to studder. It is so funny. He always is asking me if he can help me with the dishes, with pouring milk in to his sippy, with everything...he is a helper. It is great! I can get hard though because I can't do things as fast as I would like to. Last night Kayden picked up my phone and said, "I going to send a tex!" It was so funny and the lucky recipient was his dama! He adores Ryan's mom, Dama!

This past week my cute nephew, Kia was here. Kayden fell in love with Kia! Kia loved hanging out with Kayden, but he really loved being with Ryan. While Kia was here Ryan took him to a Hockey game and Kia loved it. They had a great time. The next day we took Kia to the Cardinals Rally at the airport, went to Chipotle (Kia's favorite place), then we went to Golflasnd and did a round a miniature golf. When we came home Kia and Ryan went outside and threw a football and then we went and got a pizza and Kia and I played a fun game that Elyse had bought the family for Christmas. It was a great time. Then we had to take him to the airport on Saturday. Kayden cried the whole way home from the airport saying that he wanted his Kia.

Anyway, here are some a few pictures. I don't have many...I need to be better about capturing all those moments! We will work on that!

Christmas Season

Shopping with a crowd and a child in tow is NOT one of my favorite things to do.  I usually get very irritable and just want to quit.  This year my goal was to not be so grouchy with all the shoppers because when I worked retail I always wished people would remember the reason for the season.  On Saturday, I decided that since I hadn't done ANY Christmas shopping for Ryan that I needed to get out and do just that.  I wanted to take Kayden with me so that he could experience shopping for this dad.  Kayden was a perfect little angel boy.  He thought it was so cool that we were going out to buy his daddy presents.  I am proud to say that we made it through the trip with no melt downs, from me or from him.  We got home and he was all tuckered out and he went down and I wrapped the gifts.  I knew if I didn't wrap the gifts I would be up doing them Christmas Eve and I did not want that.  Also, if any of you know Ryan, it is driving him crazy that he doesn't know what he is getting...so he would probably try to look for them when I wasn't home.  He even went to the extent of asking Kayden was the present was and Kayden (thank goodness) answered, "Daddy's Present"....phew!

I really have been trying to focus on the Christmas Season this year and not get into the busy world.  I really do love Christmas and I love the reason for the season.  This year has been really hard on Ryan and I and when I think about it I just hope and pray that this next year will bring a year of recovery and health.  I don't think I could have another year of this again.  So, to me I am just thankful for the health that I do have, for the beautiful little boy that gets me through everyday when I am down.  I am so thankful for my wonderful husband who has been by my side all year, for sitting by my hospital bed day in and day out, for sitting by my side after the I got out of the hospital and hold my throw up bucket and clean it out and do all the gross stuff.  He has been nothing but supportive.  For my in-laws...I couldn't have done it without them.  My mother-in-law made out babysitting schedules for Kayden, she made sure we had meals, she came to the hospital almost everyday, she made sure Kayden had everything he needed.  If you don't know you...you should get to know her.  She is amazing.  My father-in-law for being concerned.  He sat in the ER with Ryan and I the first time I was in the hospital after collapsing.  He stayed at the hospital that night until I had had a blessing and that he knew I was being admitted.  He waited through my spinal tap and hearing me scream in pain.  He is the greatest example to my husband and son!  He would do anything to make sure his children were taken care of.  My sister, LeeAnn, for dropping stuff all the time to come help with Kayden.  She is great and I couldn't do a lot without her.  I enjoy calling her in the evening so we can talk about our days.  It is a great wind down session for me.  My sister-in-law, Jennifer, dropped everything to fly to AZ from CO with her baby to come help Ryan when I couldn't stop throwing up.  She made dinners, cleaned my fridge, and did everything that I hadn't been able to do for 3 months or so.  My sister, Annette, for coming to AZ for UT the second time I was in the hospital.  She was a huge help and by her coming I was able to convince my doctors I didn't need to go to a rehab place.  My sister-in-law, Dana, that I call every morning.  I love talking to her.  She is so uplifting and positive.  My sister-in-law, Deena, for taking time to watch Kayden while Ryan goes to school.  What a huge help that has been.  My visiting teachers...gosh these two women are amazing.  I love them.  They help me at the drop of the hat all the time and I am so thankful for them.  I have so much to be thankful for and I can't name everyone in here because this would be a never ending post.  I just feel like I have so much to be thankful for and I need to share it with everyone.  

The gospel in my life and the support I receive from those I love at church and my family has been shown so much this year.  I am so thankful for my testimony of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I am thankful that I have had the strength and the faith.  Without faith I would be lost.  I just pray that I can have the faith to continue onward and make it through this.  I love my family, Ryan's family, and all those around me.  I pray that Kayden will grow up and not get caught up in the presents, but the presence of Christmas. 

I hope this Christmas Season finds everyone doing well.  I love you all and am so thankful for the support and prayers my family has received from you throughout the year.  I have not had the chance to do Christmas cards this year, so I hope that this can replace that.  May we remember the reason for the season and share the joy of the Christmas season not just at this time, but year round.  

It has been a while...

So it has been a while since I have updated my blog and it isn't because I haven't been thinking about it, but life happens and I would rather go to bed then sit up and figure out what to write.  Not that I sleep when I am in bed...because sleep doesn't happen much around here except for Kayden and Ryan.  

So I decided that I needed to write what was going on with me just for my sake and so I don't forget so I have future references to go back on.  A little over a month ago I was put on a steroid...I didn't mind as long as it was for a short term.  I had gotten to a point where I wasn't getting any better and I wasn't getting any worse.  I just knew that I was tired of not being able to pick up Kayden (especially if he was in a fisty mood) and I was sick of not being able to change his diaper and doing things that people take for granted everyday.  I had reached a breaking point and I couldn't handle it anymore.  I made an appointment with my doctor and went and saw him two weeks later.  That is when he decided to put me on the steroid.  I am still doing my treatments every other week and taking the steroid daily.  Also, I am not giving the steroid full credit because I don't think that it was completely the steroid.  When I was in the hospital in August my brother, Keith, called me and told me about this all natural supplement that he wanted me to think about taking.  I told him I would look in to it and then life happened and I never did.  My brother really isn't in to the all natural things so I was kind of surprised.  He had been taking it for other reasons and thought it may help me.  I am not into the all natural things either.  I didn't start taking it right away...in fact, it wasn't until I talked to my sister-in-law one day that she said that she was ordering some for me to try.  They couldn't hurt anything that is for sure.  I got them in the mail a little over a week later and started them.  I can now tell on the days I don't take them because my hands and feet seem to tingle all day.  Anyway, so I give that most of the credit as well.  

The whole process since I got out of the hospital in August has been more than frustrating and I have had a very hard time staying positive.  I feel bad for my husband who has been nothing but supportive and has picked up the slack and has more than proved himself as an amazing person.  I also feel bad for my sister-in-law that I call almost every morning and she usually hears me complain and talks me through it.  She is amazing!  I am very hopeful that this next year will be a year of recovery.  I don't think I could handle anything more.  If I stay positive then I know it can happen.  Let's kick this disease in to remission.  Also, if you see me and I look like I am pregnant, don't get your hopes up.  It can't and isn't going to happen for a long while.  These steriods have made my face a little fat and I have done a pretty good job at watching what I eat so I don't get super fat.  Beleive me...I think I would rather be pregnant.  (The reason this came up was because someone asked Ryan if I was pregnant!)

So on to Kayden!  Kayden never ceases to amaze us.  He is definetely a two year old, but he melts my heart at least 50 times a day.  He is so cute and funny and cuddly and loveable.  I feel bad because sometimes I don't have the patience to deal with him so I get frustrated which makes him frustrated, but I am working on it.  He is talking in full sentences and his latest phrase is, "Please don't!"  And he always says it in the right spot.  He loves to help me do everything and make everything.  I usually just put him in front of the sink with the water running and he thinks he is being a huge help.  The mess is a very welcome treat if it means I have a happy little boy that just wants to help. 

So on to Ryan...Ryan is in school full time and is a work out fanatic.  He will do his work outs and then still take the time to go walking with me at night since that is really the only exercise I can do.  (If you saw me run you would laugh...I can't do it!)  He tried out for the Mesa Police Academy and passed the Physical Test and then got selected to do the written test, but missed it by six points.  DARN!  But we just remind ourselves that everything is on the Lords time.  Most people can't pass this test the first time.  It usually takes them 2 or 3 times so for Ryan to only miss it by six points...I think that is darn good!!!  

Happy 2nd Birthday, Little Man!!!!

So, I can't believe that my baby boy is going to be 2. It breaks my heart to see him getting so big. Why can't he just stay small?  Kayden has been the biggest blessing to Ryan and I.  He is the light in our life.  When I ask Kayden how old he is going to be this is what he does...
Isn't that so cute?
Here is Kayden's second cast...He is pretty good about having the thing on.  Sometimes he asks if he can run fast, but he doesn't complain about the cast.
This is how he says two!!!!
I only got a couple of pictures of him in his costume, but they are really cute ones that is for sure.
He called Aunt Kuku (LeeAnn) and Karl on Halloween and they asked him what he was going to be for Halloween and he told them he was going to be a dog-dog!!!  It was pretty cute.

Well, since this is Kayden's birthday post here are the things we love about him.

1.   He gives life to our life.

2.  He always has a smile on his face especially if you ask how he is doing.

3.  He LOVES his father.  He ADORES his father.

4.  He is so protective of his mother.

5.  He loves sports, just like his dad.  He can name every sport except golf.

6.  He loves food.

7.  He loves to brush his teeth.

8.  He pasts us on our backs and asks if we are okay.

9.  He loves his Papa's and his Grandma.

10.  He loves learning.  Lately he loves colors and he says them so cute.

11.  He loves going to church.

12.  He encourages us to say family prayers every night and even makes us say prayers with him when he goes down for his naps!

13.  He comes up with the funniest words for things like ahwah for his pacifier and dodee for yogurt.

14.  He cuddles up with Ryan whenever he is tired and just chills.

15.  He understands when I can't pick him up and he is so patient with my illness.

16.  He loves playing with all his dads old toys and I can see Ryan as a child playing the same way as Kayden is.

17.  He is such a little tender heart.

18.  He loves to dance and head bang and he tells us to dance all the time when we are driving.

19.  He loves it when we play and wrestle.

20.  We love Kayden because he is ours.  What better gift could we have asked for?  He is the light of our life and the joy and happiness of our world.

We love you little Kayder man!  You are one amazing child!  Thanks for two great years and many more to come!

Those pictures I promised...

So I am finally getting around to posting these pictures...
Kayden loves his bike and when he gets his cast off he will be back on it really quick...I am sure!
Kayden's big boy bed...
Kayden is so sick...it was no fun!  My first sleepless night as a mother.
This happens nightly.  This is his calm down time.
I think Ryan told me this was in Olympia...beautiful!
Heber and Henry entertaining baby Sarah.
Can you see Henry's cute little sling?  He broke his collar bone!
Cute little baby Sarah.
David playing football with Kayden.
Look how high he threw that ball.
He followed these two everywhere.  It was so cute.
The whole gang.
My dooter scooter and I!
Cute picture of David and Kayden.
Poor little cast...yup...it was broken...
Getting it put on!!!!

MIA

So, I don't know who reads my blog and who is waiting for a post, but I realized that it had been way too long since I had updated this thing.  Life has been pretty crazy so I will do the bullets so I don't go on and on...

• Get treatments every other week (not fun)
• Got the statement for my hospital stay...$95,500
• Ryan goes to Washington to try out for the Tacoma Police Department
• Does AMAZING, but missed the mile and a half run by 9 seconds...yeah it is really unfortunate
• Waiting to hear if he gets to try out of Tempe Police Department
• David and Dana had a layover in PHX on there way to UT
• Kayden got the flu, then Ryan, then me...not a fun week 
• I went back to work after my leave to recover from the hospital
• Kayden is in a big boys bed
• Kayden jumped off the couch at Deena's and hasn't walked since (we are taking him in on Monday for a second xray.
• Today, I had the opportunity to attend Day out for Women...WONDERFUL

The last one is what I am going to talk about more.  It was so amazing.  I felt like I was really supposed to be there.  The last speaker really touched my heart and made me realize what I need to be thinking and doing about my disease that I struggle with everyday.  She had been partially blind her whole life due to cancer and about 6 years ago became completely blind.  She has had cancer multiple times and it can come back at any time.  She said at first she wanted to just ask the Lord, "WHY ME!!!"  (That is where I am at right now!) And then after much prayer she came to the conclusion that she needed to have HOPE!  She said that she knew that there was a chance that it could come back, but she had HOPE in the Lord that it wouldn't.  That really hit me as what I needed to be thinking.  She was amazing and I am so glad I could here that talk and get the confirmation that the Lord really hears our prayers because I pray every night to know what I need to do and I got my answer today.  It was amazing.

Pictures to come tomorrow...I am too tired tonight.